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Seeking comfort when joy is hard to find – Coping with grief during the holidays

Wendy Lichtenthal, Ph.D., a Sylvester bereavement care specialist, is available to discuss coping with feelings of sadness and loss during the holidays.

MIAMI, FLORIDA (Dec. 12, 2024) – Maybe it’s an empty chair at the holiday table. A family divided by distance, circumstance or even political point of view. A world that feels “different” than we remember how it used to be. The absence of a quirky dog or cat that was always under foot but never failed to provide companionship.

Like anniversaries and birthdays, the holidays can bring good times and happiness, but for many, joy is overshadowed by sadness and grief. Gatherings once greeted with eager anticipation become obligations met with highly mixed emotions.

But there are ways to cope with loss at this time of year, says Wendy Lichtenthal, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founding director of the Center for the Advancement of Bereavement Care at Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center, part of UHealth – the University of Miami Health System.

Lichtenthal is available for interviews to provide perspective to those dealing with loss and feelings of hopelessness during the holiday season – as well as those who care for them. She is  a bereavement science researcher and associate professor of Public Health Sciences at the Miller School of Medicine.

Here are just a few of the areas she can address:

• Grief is about loss of relationships and connections. The sense of loss may result from the death of someone close or important, but there are many types of loss. “A lot of our work focuses on finding meaning in life after loss, whether they are losses of someone significant in your life or losses that come with other stressful life experiences, like health challenges,” Lichtenthal says.
• People often don’t know why they’re sad or why they feel grief. They may feel that they’re overreacting or that they should be “over” whatever caused them to grieve. But Lichtenthal says grief – and the intensity of one’s grief – always makes sense, and there’s no prescribed timeframe. “Rather than setting a timeline, give yourself space to reflect on the fact that this person or relationship mattered to you, maybe more than you realized, and that’s OK,” Lichtenthal says.
• People often wonder what they should say to someone who is grieving. “Sometimes, the best thing we can say is that we don’t have the perfect words to make things better, but we can listen, we can help with everyday chores and meals, and we’re always available when needed,” Lichtenthal says.
• Death does not end a relationship. “When someone dies, we often yearn for that person to be back in our ‘physical’ world,” Lichtenthal says. “A lot of what we talk about in grief and bereavement has to do with how we continue a relationship after someone dies. Those relationships don’t end even though the person is no longer part of our rhythm of life. For some people, finding a way to honor the relationship and cultivate a sense of presence with the person can be a great source of comfort.”
• For many people, the holidays revolve around traditions. When someone important dies or a significant change triggers grief, those experiencing the loss may practice what Lichtenthal refers to as “coping flexibility,” recognizing that what may be a helpful way of coping in one situation may not be as helpful in another. What can be most useful is remaining flexible with the coping strategies that you try.

Read more about grief and the holidays on the InventUM Blog and follow @SylvesterCancer on X for the latest news on its research and care.

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