Sexual desire — the force that connects yet also divides

A new article by Prof. Gurit Birnbaum, a researcher of sexuality in close relationships at Reichman University’s Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, and Prof. Amy Muise of York University in Canada, was recently published in the prestigious journal Nature Reviews. The article provides an up-to-date look at the most fragile component of romantic relationships — sexual desire. In their article, Prof. Birnbaum and Prof. Muise offer an in-depth analysis of the power of desire in forging romantic bonds, while also exploring the reasons that it tends to fade over time — sometimes even leading to the dissolution of long-term relationships.

The authors highlight that sexual desire, which evolved to connect between partners and provide a foundation for the cooperative raising of children, who are dependent on joint parental care for a long period, may, over time, become a breaking point. The diminishing of desire can lead to discrepancies in sexual preferences between partners, questions about the future of the relationship, and, in some cases, the exploring of alternative partners in a world where the possibilities seem endless.

The article provides a comprehensive and up-to-date review of the role of sexual desire in relationships, focusing on its complexity and potential for vulnerability over time. It examines the dual role of desire: first, as a signal of potential compatibility between partners, and second, as a force that can forge, sustain, or ultimately lead to the dissolution of a romantic relationship.

The article presents fascinating findings on the biological and sociocultural forces that shape our love lives. It explores how women’s attraction patterns shift during ovulation, how new fathers experience hormonal changes that affect their sexual desires, and how infidelity can spread within social groups like a contagious epidemic — as well as the “inoculation” strategies that help resist temptation. The authors also debunk common myths, such as the assumption that more sex necessarily leads to happiness in a relationship, and explains the “intimacy-desire paradox” — the phenomenon where, paradoxically, as emotional closeness between partners deepens, passion often begins to fade.

Prof. Gurit Birnbaum, Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, Reichman University: “Sexual desire is sometimes perceived as spontaneous, but in reality, it is shaped by a wide range of biological, social, and psychological factors. Understanding that desire is not a given, but rather a dynamic process that can be influenced, may help couples maintain the spark over time and sustain the relationship in the face of internal crises and external temptations.”